Thursday, September 18, 2014

A Future Perk of being a Boy Mom

Anyone that has known me for a while, knows my extreme hate for bugs.  Let me rephrase.  BUGS IN THE HOUSE.  Where they don't belong.  I swear, anything creepy-crawly knows to wait until Trey has left for work before it appears out of the wood works.  I imagine there is some bug club where they conspire against me and plot specific times to attack... especially times when I am a helpless bystander and unable to retaliate.  

Case in point:  

I had about 30 minutes before it was time to feed the twins, but Beau was starting to refuse a pacifier, so I thought I would quickly nurse him for a second before waking Grant.  15 seconds after picking Beau up and starting to feed him, I see something quickly FALL FROM THE CEILING and ricochet off of Beau's bouncy chair, landing underneath it.  

<insert panicking>

I know very well what has just plopped onto the dining table while I am nursing 2 feet away.  A HUGE ROACH (well, actually a water bug, but they look the same, so I will still call this thing a HUGE ROACH).    
My eyes quickly dart around the table trying to find a blunt object to hit it with.  I scan diapers, onesies, burp cloths....nothing that can battle this bug.  I turn my head to see if there is a shoe within reach (there's not) and when I look back the impostor has vanished.  

<Insert more panicking>

Grant is blissfully asleep, and all I can think is that this bug is hiding in our midst and next thing I know he will be crawling over my sweet baby!  I know I have to step up the bravery scale and get rid of this thing, but I have to find it first.

I put Beau down in the swing (he is not happy his meal has been interrupted) and scan the table again.  Nothing.  I pick Grant up and bring him over to the sofa and lay him on the boppy.  Now both babies are crying.  I give them both pacifiers.

I walk back to the dining table and look underneath.  Nothing.   I shake the curtains.  Nothing.  Where did it go??   Aggghhh, where is Trey when I need him??

Babies are crying again and I know I have to stop my hunt to feed them, so I start feeding while keeping my eyes glued to the dining room.  

The phone rings and it's the pediatrician.  As I'm balancing talking on the phone (and nursing) I see a quick movement in the corner of the room.  

I abruptly tell the nurse I have to call her back, move Beau back on the boppy and carry Grant to set him down on the swing.  Babies, are upset that I have interrupted their meal once again (sorry!!!).  

I grab the nearest weapon, (Trey's flip flop), ready to put an end to the bug's shenanigans.  As I'm getting closer, it darts away SO FAST.  This is a crazy steroid bug.  It is absolutely enormous and it moves like lighting!  

I pull a planter away from the wall and see it emerge from it's hiding spot. I aim the flip flop and pummel it towards the bug.  Miss.  I try again.  Miss.  Try again.  HOORAY, SUCCESS!! 

Now what do I do?  Pick it up and disgard like a regular person?  Heck No.  I admit, I am a pathetic scaredy-cat when it comes to creepy crawlies. So, I have a solution I've been using for years....the plastic cup catch.  

What's that you say?   

Anytime I have to kill a bug, once it's hit, I simply grab a plastic cup and drop it over.  Out of sight, out of mind.  It stays there until Trey comes home and he can dispose of it for me.  

Is this ridiculous?  YES.  Do I care?  NO.  

Am I glad I have all boys to fend me from having to do this when they get old enough?  ABSOLUTELY!!!!!!  ;)